Before we can overcome shyness, we have to figure out why we are shy. There is no easy answer to this question. Some people appear to be born shy and have a hard time coming out of their shell. Other people seem to be more outgoing. In my research into what makes someone shy I found that two things often figure into shyness - birth order as well as a lower self-esteem. It is also important to realize that shyness is not always so apparent. Some people, in an effort to not seem so shy will go off in the opposite direction and appear to be very outgoing when they are struggling, on the inside, to overcome this affliction. I can relate to this as I am one of those types of individuals. Others often find me to be outgoing, but in reality, I get a sick feeling in my stomach when I have to meet new people or exert myself in social situations.
Being shy does not mean that someone has a low self-esteem, but it can be an indication that their self-esteem is a bit more fragile than someone who is not shy and is not, as a result, self-conscious. Through my research, I have found that those who are shy tend to be very sensitive individuals who often make the mistake of thinking that everyone’s attention is focused on them. They are afraid to make a mistake, say something silly or do something that will cause others to notice them. They would rather fade into the background than call attention to themselves.
Many people are aware of the fact that they are shy and avoid being in the limelight as much as possible. Some people who are shy may over compensate for the fact that they feel shy and go overboard in trying to draw attention to themselves. For the most part, shyness is based upon a fear of rejection, most often due to a low self-esteem. It manifests itself differently with every individual. Some people need only have their idea rejected once before they develop a low sense of self-worth and an inferiority complex. Others can take a lot of rejection before it starts to affect them negatively.
Here are some basic questions that you can ask yourself to see if you are shy:
1. When I go to a party where I do not know anyone, I….
A. Cancel. I would rather die than attend a party where I didn’t know anyone else.
B. Try to find a place where I can sit inconspicuously so I do not draw attention to myself.
C. Try to mingle a bit and then call it an early night.
D. Find the life the party and do my best to integrate myself with the guests.
2. In school, if I knew the answer to a question, I would….
A. Not do anything. What if I wasn’t sure?
B. Wait to be called on by the teacher.
C. Raise my hand to answer the question.
D. Make sure the teacher saw that I knew the answer by waving my hand.
3. My ideal job would be…
A. A job where I could be alone in my own cubicle
B. A job where I didn’t have to interact with others on a regular basis.
C. A job where I worked in a team setting.
D. A managerial job where I was in charge of others.
4. If I like someone and want to form a relationship with them, I….
A. Follow them around and wait for them to make the first move
B. Try to put myself in their way so that they notice me
C. Arrange to be at parties and other gatherings where they may be
D. Tell them and let the chips fall where they may
5. During a job interview, I…
A. Answer questions that are asked of me only and feel nervous
B. Try to stick to saying as little as possible about myself
C. Ask questions and answer those questions presented to me
D. Assume that they are the ones I am interviewing, instead of the other way around
How you interpret this data is found in the course.
This course will teach you how to recognize shyness in yourself and how to beat this personality trait with tips and exercises that will help you emerge from your shell to become the real you. The person you know you can be.
